I've probably mentioned this before or perhaps I haven't because I've been fixated on my weight, but either way I suppose I can consider myself a fledgling tree-hugger, hippie, environmentalist...or my favorite going granola. 

I watch as many documentaries as I can (when the boyfriend's not around so I don't bore him to death).  Most of them are similar because I tend to focus on food and environmental docs.  I watch these movies (essentially all saying similar things in different ways - WE NEED TO CHANGE!) to reinforce my own attempts at being a 'better' or more educated person.  I've gotten rid of most toxic cleaners - although finding alternative cleaners that are an alternative to vinegar has been interesting sometimes.  The boyfriend can not stand the smell of vinegar to the point where it makes him nauseous.  Anyways, I just finished watching the film Bag It.  More stats on what we are doing to the planet, trying to portray the mind boggling scope of our own waste - on even a daily or hourly or 5 min basis.  It's actually quite sickening.

The other day I was Trader Joe's (which I love by the way) but I had trouble bringing myself to buying any veggies.  Why they are all wrapped in plastic - which seems a bit odd in comparison to their ideals or at least the image they want the public to see of them.  Perhaps Trader Joe's never intended to have produce in their stores (from the get go) but really I couldn't find a head of romaine lettuce that stood on it's own.  All lettuces were wrapped in some way or another - the romaine always in three packs.  I only needed one!

One of my main goals for myself is to really stop buying or consuming things I really don't need....but I will always buy makeup I won't use or clothes I won't wear.  Why because I think they are awesome but then I don't care enough in my appearance to look decent enough and tend to have too little money to really go out anywhere.  I used to but back then I was on borrowed credit, a mistake which has very much shaped who I am today.

I fear I will become on of those people who shove their ideals in your face and try to make you feel bad about yourself because you haven't heard all of the horrible things I am consistently exposing myself to.  The truth seems to be this ugly thing that no one wants to look at.

I need to get a garden up and going - just a little one that's all I need. Until eventually it will take over the entire apartment and we engineer a way to turn the apartment into an indoor greenhouse.  And when I say tomatoes I mean tomatoes damn it, and basil and broccoli and onions and all the other wonderful foods that will taste better when homegrown.  I assume it will taste better because of the SPAM theory.  As a kid my Dad would tell me that SPAM was the most disgusting thing ever until they went camping at which point it would be transformed into this wonderfully flavorful delight.  Mind you my Grandma did a lot of cooking.  She had seven kids and I doubt she and her husband made much, he was a high school teacher and she was a nurse, but I don't know for how long or if she worked after she started having kids.  Either way her cooking was amazing, oh how I miss Grandma's cooking.  I tell you this simply because compared to real food I'm sure SPAM was awful.  But once you're running around in the woods for a few days living off of canned beans and other various canned goods...SPAM's not looking so bad. 

So the SPAM theory is a bit off from homegrown tasting better - the original thought had something to do with effort and working up and appetite.  Oh well, the SPAM theory is officially out into the interwebs.  This post is now considered a success.

Now what was I talking about initially?  Something about crazy tree-huggers. I kid...for the most part.  I never want to be in anyone else's face but considering how awful people have been to each other and the planet I can understand the need and want to try and shake sense into others.  Am I perfect, obviously not.  I like to go to raves - talk about disposable waste, glow sticks anyone?  I bought one of every color of those color fading flashlights. Booyah bitches.  They're brighter last longer and allow me to see the handle inside that nasty port-a-potty (not that anyone ever wants to see the inside of one).  And yes I do still buy glowsticks...why?  Because they're cheap, they look cool, and it ain't a rave without um.  Oh hypocrisy. 

Can I admit that I don't want to think about using anything reusable for cleaning out the litter box?  I try to limit the plastic packaging I buy, I definitely recycle and I save any plastic bag I come across for cleaning out the litter box.  Although that is more because I am cheap vs. saving the planet (obviously because it then goes immediately to a land fill). Ugh.  No wonder 'hippies' are so grumpy all the time.  People are fucking frustrating.

My boss is frustrating - bet you think it's because he doesn't care about the planet or stuff like that.  Nope! Quite the opposite really.  He's the guy preaching about how green he is because of this or that.  He has great intentions and tries to follow through on his own words and promises and to be honest his ideals are commendable....but sometime's you just want to punch him in the face.

Why?  I do the shopping at work.  The guys in the office are used to good food - think organic as close to natural as possible with exceptions of course. We're human...but I am the one who gets the plastic and sustainable speeches over and over again.   I would say that the company is on the cusp of doing really well financially and we are getting closer and closer to building the company they've been working towards.  But when it comes to money it's not there yet.  So me buying organic apples, produce, meat and other things well that costs money and quite frankly, if I weren't a catch all, a lot of food would just rot in our fridge.

Considering what my finances have been over the past 6-7 months one should understand why I hate wasting money on things that rot.  Makeup's different - it doesn't go bad for months/years!  Short recap - I left my job which was costing my hundreds of dollars on chiropractic care for a job that cut my earnings in half.  We're talking earning roughly 1400 (take home) a month to just above or under a grand.  I went from getting a $7-800 check every two weeks to getting $1000 at the beginning of the month.  You take out rent and budgeting utilities (the money had to be there to come out) and suddenly you are out half a paycheck.  Let's just say Christmas was lean this year and I got pretty good at budgeting/learning to entertain myself at home.  I put off $30 purchases for months.  I still haven't gotten a hair cut...I've gotten my eyebrows done once since my pay increase back up to normal size. 

Of course I have spent a bunch of money buying essential oils and other natural cosmetic supplies.  Gotta build up an aresenal.  Or this is just what I do - I get into a new phase and buy as many of the supplies as I can afford to go with my new thing.  I lose a lot of money.  It's a bad habit - I like new things or really cool old things, both of which are expensive.  I will learn to make my own clothes or so I tell myself.  I want good natural fabrics but I am not spending $60 on a shirt (a plain shapeless tee). it's ridiculous.  Someday I can buy $40 of fabric, make a skirt, a shirt and perhaps save bits of the fabric to make a scarf or something.  I have no idea.  I haven't gotten a chance to get into it yet.

I threw a curve ball at myself and I'm still limping off the field from catching said ball with my face.  I love metaphors, they don't really have to make sense.

Well I am now officially tired and rambling so I think this is a good place to end for the evening.

Ciao Bellas!