Hello! One or two people... maybe.

About that accountability I was talking about last time.  Yeah....the shit has hit the fan!  Well for the old place.  Let's just say that karma is a bitch which is precisely why I try to stay on her good side. I wouldn't consider myself religious (brought up with Catholic guilt for sure!) but if there was one idea/theology/religion I can get behind, it's karma.  The golden rule, get what you give, you scratch my back I'll scratch yours.

I don't need an ultimate figure to pray to or a God to idolize.  All I want is people to be good to each other.  If only life was fair and the ultimately the shit you throw at someone else hits comes back at you like a boomerang.  Can you imagine a world where people realize their actions have consequences - big, small, whatever?  How much more considerate would people be to each other.  If I ruled the world... I would make Karma law (if that were even remotely possible).

I really do need to look into Karma, study the history and theology of it.

This year I have realized just how important the company you keep is.  Between the guys at work, the friends I hang out with and the people who live with you.  They all change who you are in the present and help determine who you will become.  Choose them wisely!  I've been surrounded by soo much drama over the past few years that I've forgotten what it feels like to not be stressed,  to just enjoy life, and I'm not even there yet.  Even though I've quit the soul killing job and left the house that drove my insane I'm still wound up.  There's an underlying stress that I can't control or really affect.  Someday it will eventually go away but that's months/years away.  Some of it is money related the other half is being forced to depend on someone I can't trust.  Vague enough for ya?  

Til then all I can do is build the future I want and rekindle the good relationships I have been avoiding.  Personally I don't like to talk to old friends when all I have to talk about is how much I hate my life or rant about the ridiculousness of the drama I couldn't escape.  Life is just so much better when you take a moment to look at your life and actually begin to take care of yourself.  

**From here on out 'my boy' will now be known as "W."  Two words is too long when referencing my boyfriend and best friend.  Since I have and will be referencing him a lot**

Over the past year I keep asking myself who I want to be.  I still don't know.  I want to be self-reliant, be a homemaker (if children are somehow involved).  Close(r) to the earth and more conscious of how I affect the big picture.  "Bag It" is a good documentary - I think I mentioned it before, but just the vast amount of crap we all go through is mind-bloggling and I can't seem to get it out of my head.  Too bad going green can be so expensive (I'm referencing clothes here).    There's an etsy shop I love but just about everything is $100+.  Great materials, earth friendly dyes, handmade, and is so granola I'm in love.  I just can't afford it period.  Not to mention since I've totally let myself go I don't even want to buy clothes - It's like admitting I'm actually this big.

I'm not huge. I have always been big, very shy, and I was smaller once.  It's been planted in my head that if I were smaller I would be happier.  I would. I know I would be.  This ain't no anorexia shit either.  I'm 5'7 and probably weigh slightly over 180.  I'm ashamed of how I look now - fortunately my skin is finally coming back from the dark side!

blarg. got distracted.  Time to post this bitch.  Apologies for the cliff ending....

Ciao Bellas!