Here's another one. I want to give up/cut WAY back on my tv/computer time. Obviously, I can't get rid of my working computer time but when I'm at home there have to be better ways of spending my time instead of plopped on the couch randomly checking Facebook. Yup, I am a compulsive Facebook checker, it's only very rarely that I ever post anything myself (I'm that guy).
I will say very proudly that I did at least get up and do my 10 min of yoga this morning. I promised myself 10 mins. I did and will eventually be moving from 10 to 20 and someday up to 30 min each morning. I miss morning workouts - as much as I hated being forced to have them in college. Thanks coach!
Once I get my area of the nook set up - computer, speakers, chair, etc. Then I can really start my new nightly ritual. Which should be WAY less mindless glowing screen time and way more doing... well anything.
Currently on my to do list:
- Wings with K and the guys
- Cleaning/getting apartment set up
- Get the 40 pictures off camera and onto computer - photog fail. Only 40 pics over 4 days spent on a gorgeous ranch in eastern Oregon.
- Weeding just outside our window - the mint is getting ridiculous!
- Find myself again.
So that last one is an over arching one but I found myself just being number two to W again. It's not his fault, he doesn't do it on purpose. It's more just that he gets excited and well he really does just need more space than I do. For one thing all of his furniture is bigger than mine. Ya know come to think of it I just gave away almost all of my furniture so I shouldn't feel so guilty about asking him to give up some of his. I do feel guilty though. It doesn't help that we have very different tastes, we can come to some cool compromises or develop sweet ideas together...but, let us both loose in a store and we'll both pick out so many things that the other hates. I am looking forward to setting up my own area. It can be just how I like it. My colors, my aesthetic. Yay!
So much to donate to Goodwill. Between a 2 tables, possibly a recliner, a pompozon (sp?), random goods, posters, perhaps some clothes....Even beyond that we'll be getting rid of a lot of stuff as well. At this point it's all pretty much W's so I can't really go through it on my own.
This feeling of losing myself is one I just can't seem to shake. I love W and I know he loves me, he's just a bigger personality than I am and while I am naturally drawn to the supportive role I sometimes feel run over by the weight of his dreams. He has a lot of them and plenty of them really don't go anywhere, which can be frustrating. Problem is my dreams don't ever really make it out of the planning stages because of me.
It's like I'm forced to focus on the reality of dreams. I happen to be surrounded by dreamers...both at work and at home. Which has ultimately turned me into a pessimist, I'm not sure when and I'm not sure how, but apparently this is the end result. Or perhaps my lack of dreaming is due to already living one and then being so rudely awoken by reality.
Ever get the feeling you are not who or where you are supposed to be? Maybe Portland isn't me, maybe I'm not supposed to have a desk job....I don't know anymore. I just wish I would actually get around to letting myself be happy. Maybe someday I'll stop punishing myself and just let myself be free and happy.
Was that rambling session random enough? Who knows, maybe one of these days I'll actually get around to picking a topic for a post. Weird.
Ciao Bella!
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