Hello blog.

It's been a few days.  Life's been busy.

I work at an accounting firm.  The tax deadline is in 10 days.  Lets just say the guys are a bit overwhelmed.  I answer the phones and do other admin things, so I'm busy but it's not too bad.

Anywho, since the boyfriend and I have finished our projects I don't really have anything to admit that I haven't done.  So a few posts ago I am venting about roommates, and back then my frustration was presenting itself in a depressive/desperate state.  I have since moved on to anger.    Anger to the point where if I can't wash my dirty dishes, but the sink is filled with my plates....I want to break them.  Smash them to bits.  Because, well, if you think about it - for example I never use my big plates, only small plates, bowls, and plate bowls - since everyone else is borrowing my stuff and disrespecting it...perhaps I should remove that temptation from them. 

If I can't trust you to respect my things then why the fuck should I let you use them?  My cutting board has actually warped (from going in the dishwasher) - I'm weird and the feel of dried out wood/wet wood sends tingles up and down my body.  Hell even thinking about them can do it.  Unfortunately, I prefer wood, and I am willing to put up with it.  I even used to spread protective oil on them (tingles galore!!) but I wanted to keep my things nice and that's the price I had to pay. 

The problem is there's no good time to go into a kitchenware speech.  Either demon spawn Lydia is around - all the time. Using my shit.   Some people get under your skin.  They borrow deep into your brain and then they reek havoc on your brain.  A cocaine addicted melodramatic drunk, assaulted my roommate, threatened to kill herself, stole rent money from said roommate, tried to get between him and his family....and yet here they are still dating acting like nothing happened.  Like I said earlier. Anger!

Seeing her makes my blood boil.  When forced to think about her I can feel my adrenaline coursing through my veins.  You wanna talk about cortisol and how it's bad for the body.  The side effect of her in my life was probably 20 lbs!  On the logical side she's not a horrible person but she's generally not sober long enough to not be a horrible person ( I will admit she's been better lately - but another round is coming, there's always another round ).   I will also admit that I am biased.  She changed who I was/am.  I'd never gotten into a screaming match before her, I've never caused a fucking scene in a bar before her. I've never wanted to destroy someone until I met her.

Maybe I should fly off the handle.  I've been spending all of my energy to manage my anger...and I do mean all of it.  Here in lies the problem.  I shouldn't leave the house yet.  My boyfriend can't leave and the guys we live with (and apparently their girlfriends - who are also really good friends, its a small fucked up world I live in) are his friends.  I don't want to say something I will regret.  I don't want to damage his relationships and while I really want to screw them over in doing so fucks over the boyfriend.  So here I am ranting to the cosmos on my Saturday morning...it's a beautiful day, it actually is which can be rare in Portland spring.  Here's to another day of pushing the feelings down as deep as I can muster so that I don't explode before I leave for work.

P.S. I've lost just under 3 lbs! yay.